I’m a Grandmother!

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Over the past many months, one thing I have not written about was my soon-to-be status as a grandmother. My daughter had a baby last week—my first grandchild. I can’t post a picture, nor reveal the child’s name, because I have promised my daughter I would not do so without her permission.

Not my grandchild. This is a stock photo. But my grandchild sort of looks like this. All babies look alike, unless they are yours.

In preparation for this event, I have been re-reading Nanaville, by Anna Quindlen. Perhaps out of wishful thinking, I first read this book a few years ago, before I had any reason to think I would have a grandchild. This time through, the book means more.

I knew before I first read Nanaville that grandparents are not the parents and must not usurp the role of parents. Anna Quindlen makes this point firmly, though she also describes all the joys of being a grandparent.

Already, I am reminding myself daily, even hourly, that I should not give advice unless it is requested. And I must obey the instructions of the parents. It’s hard. Because, of course, I’ve raised a baby—even two of them—successfully. But I am not the parent this time.

Still, grandparents are permitted to spoil their grandchildren. I have this on good authority from my own experience with my grandparents, from the experience of my children with their grandparents, and from countless friends who have told me about their grandchildren.

In fact, when I mentioned the forthcoming birth in my last newsletter, one friend wrote back:

“ . . . spoil, spoil, and then spoil some more. I firmly and honestly believe that each child should have at least one adult in their life to spoil them.”

I agree. I wrote this friend back,

“I also believe in spoiling grandkids, though I normally do not have a spoiling personality.”

I did not spoil my own children. Far from it. But I am certain I can find a spoiling tendency or two for my grandchild.

Do you think grandparents should spoil their grandchildren?

Posted in Family, Philosophy and tagged , , , , .

13 Comments

  1. Spoil your grandbaby with love. Big hugs. Lots of fun books. Holiday cards that are made for kids. [this will come later] Toys, and that includes a little indoor tent. A tricycle when the time comes. And always a little gift for the baby the minute you walk through the door on a grandma visit. Many years later, 10 years or so, a trip to Paris would be so much fun. The list goes on. I’ll report back.

    • As Sally said, spoil = loads of love. Unconditional love. As Anna Quindlen wrote, we’re a lot less invested in our grandchildren than in our children for our own self-image.
      Theresa

  5. Congratulations, Theresa!
    We spoil ours with love.
    If their mom and dad say, “no,” we abide by that.
    You will love, love, this new role in life. It’s amazing!
    Have fun! ♥

  7. I was fortunate to have a grandmother whom I viewed as the anchor of my childhood. When I was becoming acquainted with my husband-to-be I thought how sad it was both of his grandmothers had died before he was born. And after he realized how close I was to my grandmother, he asked her, “Will you be my grandmother, too?”

  8. Pingback: “Where’s That Baby?” Redux | Theresa Hupp, Author

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