Ten Years Ago—My Life and Dreams

Every once in a while, I go back through old journal volumes to see where I was and how I’ve traveled to where I am today. Recently, I picked up a volume from ten years ago.

Early 2009 was the end of the beginning of my retirement years. Throughout 2007 and 2008, I had relished the freedom of retirement, the flexibility of setting my own schedule and activities. I was learning, as a writer and as a mediator. I’d drafted one novel and was working on my second (though neither was anywhere near being ready to publish).

My parents were in decent health, though my mother was starting to have problems, as was my father-in-law. Within the next fifteen months, my mother’s health would decline, she would be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and my father-in-law would move to a nursing home. But in January 2009, the world still seemed full of possibilities.

What did I find in the pages from January 2009, and how did my life compare to what it is a decade later? Here are a few things I noticed:

1. On closet space:

I groused ten years ago about not having enough storage space in my home office. I quoted something I’d seen: “Don’t think of it as losing a husband; think of it as gaining a closet.” I thought this quote was from The Women, but I didn’t know if it was from the 1939 or 2008 version. (I just googled the quote and couldn’t find it. If anyone knows the source, please let me know in a comment.) Wherever it came from, it still makes me chuckle.

By the way, I still have the husband, but hope to gain more closet and storage space in our new house. Though one can never have enough closet space.

John D. MacArthur Beach State Park, Florida

2. On snow and winter vacations:

In late January 2009, with snow on the ground in Kansas City, we were about to leave for Palm Beach so my husband could attend a rowing camp. While he rowed, I would take our rental car and explore beaches and museums for the week. No wonder I was in a good mood. And it was a wonderful week! (Followed by a similar week in Palm Beach a few years later, after I started this blog, see here and here.)

This month, there is again snow on the ground in Kansas City, and it has been cold and mostly gray for weeks. I have no beach trips planned. Bummer.

3. On my dreams and goals:

I wrote ten years ago that by age 80 I wanted to have “several” published novels (quotation marks are from 2009), a gorgeously situated and comfortable home, several grandchildren, and my husband beside me. I wanted to have traveled to Europe, Australia and Asia. I wanted to spend my days writing and walking on the beach, and I didn’t want to have anything more to do with law or human resources.

There were a few more dreams, but I summarized my vision of myself at 80 as follows:

“My life is smaller in some ways, but refined to my favorite people and activities. . . . My 80-year-old self tells me now to focus on what I want, what matters most. . . . Set my own standards and go for it. Work every day toward your goal of writing and publishing and speaking your mind.”

In 2009, I was 52; now I am 62 (closing in on 63). At this point, I have less than twenty years in which to reach my goals for age 80. So, how am I doing?

View from our lot in summer

I’ve published four novels—that counts as “several” in my mind—and I think I have several more in me. We’re building a new home—“gorgeously situated” might be an overstatement, but it will give me a view from my office.

I have my husband beside me, but no grandchildren, and I have resigned myself that I do not control whether they ever come. My husband and I have traveled to Europe, but Australia and Asia are still on the bucket list. I spend time writing, and I’ve backed away from mediation and any consulting as I foresaw ten years ago. Unfortunately, I rarely get to walk on the beach, but I do my best to find a beach once or twice a year.

I’d say I’m moving in the right direction. But I have plenty more to do in the next twenty years.

And my summary statement still rings true. I still want to focus on what matters most to me. That includes family and friends. And writing and publishing and speaking my mind.

What matters most to you?